Any of you a middle child? My husband is so his perspective on how to raise my middle is always so helpful. I don’t know about ya’ll but I always have some kind of guilt trip with any of my kids. I’m either not showing or giving enough love, I’m not playing enough with them, I’m not teaching well enough while home schooling my daughter. It’s always something. Right now, I’m more talking about my Baby J. He’s 4 now, but we’ve always called him by that nickname.
Baby J is probably one of my most entertaining, charismatic, and very independent child. He came a week early before my scheduled operation. He was so quiet and such a calm baby, now he’s loud and crazy hyperactive.
Micah is my 5-year-old, so they are a year and half apart. He’s my neediest, so he was always needing attention and wanted to be right on top of me. Even after I gave birth to Baby J. He also co-slept with us until he was 4 while Baby J was already in his toddler bed by the time he hit 2. He has never just been able to entertain himself which is why Baby J ended up not getting as much attention for a while because I just knew I could count on him to entertain his own self unlike Micah.
Micah has now grown to be more self-sufficient but still prefers to have someone to play with. He’s my hardest worker and would rather be doing some kind of job with his dad or grandparents. As for Jace (Baby J), he would rather be bouncing on my couches, his bed, or the trampoline. He needs anything that will run his energy out because boy does he carry a lot.
For a while Jace would be playing in his room all day. He loves loves looooooves any toy action figures. He and Nic (my youngest) just adore their action heroes. Anyhow, Jace would play all day and you wouldn’t see him unless he was needing the restroom or was hungry. Whereas Micah and the new baby were the ones I had on me all day – every day.
So one day I asked him if he was ok and he just said “I’m otay momma”, so I just left it at that. Then he started to yell when he was angry, or would have such a bad attitude, and would resort to hitting instantly if someone made him mad. So my husband and I talked about it because I didn’t understand what was going on. He basically asked how much love does Jace get. I cried so much because I was guilty of not giving him any. My older ones would come to me when they needed love and I expected the same from Jace. Not even realizing he’s only a toddler so why would I expect him to be able to tell me what he needs. Heck, us adults have a hard time talking about what we may be struggling with. Disciplining a child for hitting unless defending oneself is a must if you ask me. It’s one thing to be bullied upon and have to fight back and its another when someone has a toy you want so you go hit them so you can take it. I do know that disciplining all the time isn’t going to work, not when they are clearly acting out. For Jace though, I knew why , so it was a no brainer on what we needed to do.
I took Jace one day and just held him. I let him explain to me all about his little toys and who they were or what they do. Who’s the who of the crew. I then told him that it was important that when he’s feeling left out or doesn’t feel like mommy is giving him enough love, that he needed to come tell me “I need love” and I would instantly know it means he needs attention. I always try to give plenty of hugs everyday to my kids. I know sometimes for us moms it’s a struggle because we are being touched all day and sometimes it becomes sensory overload. But we must sacrifice a little and give those hugs and then when our spouse is back home taking some time for yourself is a must. It’s important to do so for your sanity. Cuz a girl can get wild without some self-care, know what I mean?
I find when a child is acting out there is always a reason why. Figure out the why before its too late and you end up with an out-of-control teenager. Discipline is important in our household, but we always talk to them and ask what is going on, making sure they know they are loved and feel safe enough to talk to us. Not in a way that I’m being a friend, but I’m your parent and it’s my job to help you with whatever may be going on. Parenting is hard and yet sometimes it’s an easy fix.
Stay blessed amigos!